Day by day nawawala na talaga concentration ko. I'm fighting it, suppressing it and trying to do things to forget them. I don't know how long this would end and I want it now. This is why I don't want to get attached to anyone 'cause I'm so fragile. I hurt easily.
Now E tries to get close to C. Bakit ba kung sino yung mga malapit sakin yun din yung tinatarget ni E? Yesterday they went home together leaving me. I mean, C said to E in front of me na sabay sila uuwi. And the whole day that day, sila magkadikit. C also said in jokingly manner that he would rather speak of E or seek advice than me (since she just recently broke up). It was all killing me yesterday.
Yesterday we were about to eat on a restaurant, we were like six and there's no chair left for E, so he tried to get a chair and seated beside C. What the hell is that?
When C mentioned that he wants to go home on a ride with E, I said that I have to go home na since there's no sense of waiting for her (kasi E and I used to wait for her after class so I could ride with her to home), and she said “okay, bye.” I feel like rejected in that scenario.
Then last night I checked them both on Facebook and I saw C posted “What we've shared, I can't compare”. And they like got online at the same time about 1:20am. So that means from 4 pm (after class of C) until 1 am, they've been hanging out. A lot of things have been swirling in my mind.
I'm so depressed right now. I'd like to ask them how did it go but that would be me being intrusive. So I just keep it to myself until it burst to death.
I keep pretending that everything is okay to me. I keep showing to them that I'm still me being nice and funny. I keep telling myself to be that way 'cause I need to. But everything in me is hurting and I wish someone could help me. I don't have anyone to tell this 'cause they would know what I am. The only thing that keeps me not loose so far is that my goal to graduate this year.