Follow Me, Follow You

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Unvarnished Truth

Short, Continuation
Installment #3: Unvarnished Truth (finale)

 I recollect the first time my eyes laid on her. Every break, I used to dine alone in a bourgeois café established unpopularly along the university belt; it was less nestled by boisterous people and so a limpid place to purge time. Daily, I indulge my palate with Curry and Java whilst the remaining time is mine to grow callous in my seat. One fine day, as I was about to finish my routine, the meek chimes from the door belled. My eyes, as usual, is abnormally sync to  who goes in and out of the café. I noticed this fagged looking girl, clumsy in every detail as she dropped the book considering all puissance were on her fingertips, engrossed texting. And in the time she picked it up, stuffs in her bag slipped out. She was awkwardly a turn off and so I decided to depart without even looking where she seated.

The following day, she did not show up; I did not expect her to come back. On the other day, she was already perched when I came. Staring at her closely: plain earrings, dyed hair, faint makeup, the badge in her uniform, and the book she was reading by Tom Porter, no doubt an architect student not far my institution. I requested a different entrée this time, but at the same charge. There was nothing fancy about her, not even fairly ravishing except for the dint on the sides of her cheeks. I wonder what her name is. As she closed her book about to leave, her surname inked sidewise, Cordova. I finally unveiled something about her, at least.

Days had passed and I figured out she would only visit to lunch thrice  a week. Increasingly, I was becoming an espionage to her. Every so often I would slyly tail her the moment she vacate the café. I did not care if she sees me, or else I would merely feign that were traversing the same route. Make-or-break, I irrevocably decided to introduce myself, I did not just know how.

One noontide, I saw her making way to the café. It was a terrible day for buckets of water come down from sky. She tried to cover herself with a book but failed so. Clumsy as ever, I whispered. Today is my day. I, on the abreast side of the street, with an umbrella amassing all the guts reserved, fleetly saved her from full-blown catastrophe. As gentle as a mist dress, I opened the door for her. This time, we shared the same table. We gibbered endlessly as the rain plummet unceasingly and decided to absent ourselves from respective class. Her name was Agnes and the rest is how we became lovers.

Truth rifted me. Forthwith, the moments we shared turned oblivious. We were once admirably a couplet—conjoined sensibly with single mind—stuck impassioned incessantly, much resembling bacteria that will surpass lifetimes. However, as burning metamorphose substance to flume and with hair physiologically turning gray, so as  nothing by any chance will undo us. She had found her own bliss with.

That December, where holy angels gamboled above the heavens with ever lavishly cascading harmony, I caroused the eve deeming likely to shun the travail that poisoned me—liquor had never stood a luck. While walking falteringly along the forsaken pavement of Don Galo, as Harold Crick coaxed his author not to end him and his story, I glanced beyond invoking to hear me. To trees and street lamps, I looked conventionally a peasant scum but a bystander would claim me demented.

Late that night, our door was opened and all lights were on as if a gala of squandering energy is being celebrated. I caught her weeping in our rented apartment. Her head leaning on someone else‘s shoulder, probably the man she was with early this morning, then, I teased her with doubt why she never content. She sobbingly mumbled to my mother, “Anthony will be missed.”

All of the sudden, the life I knew evolved to a dark piece of ember. All the while, I had been thinking I was still Anthony, a boy who hardly love but loved. I looked around and noticed a sublime white casket laid in our common room, adjacent to it is a favorite old picture of mine when I was eleven and a bouquet of lavender Tulips with a pearly sash saying condolences—I no longer exist.

Despite the baffling agony, I tried to retrace myself back to where I should be. It was when I was in the jeepney. My soul, unknowing my demise, still hoped that  I could answer her back, I love you, too. It may be too behind time to love her further, still and all, her name will boundlessly relived in me, Agnes.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

We parted like Strangers.

Shorties, Continuation
Installment# 2: We parted like Strangers.

Someone tapped me and asked if could pass his fare in front. I grasped without hesitation and said, “bayad daw po." Then I mulled of nothing but to clear this thing off my head.

At the end station still, I kept mulling, I headed down the street and floundered each indecisive step. I came across this old sluggard fella’ where we jolted our shoulders. He howled, “Hoy! Tignan mo yung dinadaan mo.” More, he stared at me with a menacing look, snitching his obnoxious mastery. I looked back in disgrace after we parted a block or two. And he was gone like silhouette of a waving slender curtain.

I glamored a billboard to where I usually cross. “Ohh, pinalitan na pala?” I muttered. The billboard seemed to illuminate the plaza where I stride through home. The grinning subject, the resplendent bulbs, and the couples fondling each other on benches only made me crestfallen.

We had been inadvertently like this since then. Discord, narrow-minded, childish acts, we were like magnets repelling akin poles, like parallel lines that will never converge at some point. That‘s when we were at our weakest.

I felt being the fuel which made her atrocious. And to tame the fire, I had to slightly uncoil the lasso bound between us. If only emotions were just child‘s play, then we had been long ago sanctified by wedlock. But taming has gone out on its own way. I, to accept the fact, was never an exceptional tamer. The clashing fire I thought would underrate by spaces turned out to lose its radiance. She was, as it came to my senses, gravely becoming cold.

The numbed morning like the manifold before it. The peculiar thing with this particular day was: an another man.

I looked at her in a distancedistance which never happened to us when we were comfortably close. We were closer than anyone else would know. I tried to break that distance. But it felt like they were constantly far no matter how persistent I tracked them down. I struggled to walk past them yet it seemed I was just a strangera stranger just as nothing mattered between us.

“Am I unmistakably a stranger now?”

to be concluded....

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Easing Out.

Installment# 1: Easing Out.

She said she love me, I never answered back. 

The cars on the highway were free flashing in speed. The jeepney I was riding to seemed speeding against time. The backseat driver changed the compact disc to a local breaking rhythmic music. And the other passengers were somnolent due to swayed movement made by sudden breaks and approaching crepuscular light. 

Some old folks were becoming agitated believing we might get bumped or hit anything on the road. And I, who used to ride on it everyday couldn't care less. Whilst cuddling my school bag, I brooded over things that bugged me the most after the academic day – I guess, not really. The circumstances I had in mind were fast swirling; every single detail I captured earlier seemed recurring back the way it was and its definition was clearer than before. I am thinking if I could have done the rightful thing, this would not seethe. As if I‘m capable of defying my predestination. 

Simply, I kept thinking the unyielding situation I had and thought of indefinite recourse but I know everything that happened will permanently leave its fissure. Throughout non-occupational moment, I only tired myself thinking, gradually closed my eyes and let myself become one with the slumbering cimmerian shade.

I did not know I fell asleep. I winked my eyes two or three to prove this delusion was not authentic and even blinked more. But the chromatism I see and the metaphors telling my retina contest that everything was true and I just woke up from napping eleven minutes from my seat. 

“Was it a dream?..” I asked myself still enigmatic.

I quieted myself and held back until destination. I checked on my cellphone and rashly hovered to see whose one message that might be. To find out sadly, it was one damn chain message. I knew I was expecting a message from someone. 

To aggravate the conundrum I was enduring, the vehicle where I was sitting for dozens of minutes, got its tire flat at the right front part, in the middle of dusky, bumpy road. The driver who was corpulent, apparent to his big soiled red shirt and bulky breadbasket, went out of his throne and started cussing out words. I would have scoffed at him in the first place for not slowing down. After all there is nothing to speed about. Like relationships that wear out so easily. The more you urge to push the boundaries, the more it gets loose. 

The music turned off, trying to make comfy, the backseat driver said that everything will be alright. They have a spare and this is just a trifle hitch to handle. The cold drowsy night shifted into fierce, scorching mood by fellow passengers. “Witty,” I said to myself, “How auspicious we glued ourselves with such inconvenience.” To think it was my bad day. As minutes frittering away, other passengers becoming smothered, on the spur of moment, a typical light afar from us was drawing near. “Am I dreaming again?” I boldly asked. Now I could visualize and hear a truck horning, constantly coming but not pulling over. I could not think but to bawl, “get out!” until the raging vehicle crushed us.

to be continued....

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


ganun siguro talaga kapag nagmamahal,
masasaktan ka muna para matuto ka.
May mga taong iiwan at lolokohin ka para makita mo yung para talaga sayo.
Pero dadating ka dun sa punto na pag nakabangon ka,
marerealize mo kung bakit hindi ka para sa kanya
at para ka talaga sa iba.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Idol Champ!

Nung nakita ko si Champ kahapon sa Myx akala ko bumalik na Hale. Yun pala nagsolo na rin siya gaya ni Rico Blanco. Pero ayos ang mahalaga nagbalik na idol ko! Iba talaga kasi tama ng kanta niya sakin lalo na pag english...puro kasawian sa pag-ibig hehe

No. Title
1. "Sparkplug"
2. "Hanging Habagat"
3. "Sari-Saring Kwento"
4. "Sa 'Yo Lang"
5. "Magdamag"
6. "Gulong"
7. "Nightmares"
8. "Bleed"
9. "Emergency Room"
10. "Juan Tamad"

Sunday, April 03, 2011

120 days of lie pt.10 (story ender)

Huling buwan ng kasinungalingan

Hindi ko alam kung bakit nakikisabay ang buwan sa pagsulat ko ng kwentong ito. Nagkataon lang kaya. O sadyang ako yung nakikiayon sa paglipas ng buwan sa mga nangyari sa akin noong nakaraang taon.

Noong nanlalamig na sakin si F. Naiisip ko kailangan ko nang kumilos talaga. Tama na ang pakikipaglaro ni karibal. Sa oras na ito, ako naman ang makikipaglaro. Mas gagalingan ko at sisiguraduhin kong ako ang mananalo. Dumating na nga ang April 5, 2010. Simula ng summer class namin. Eto na ang araw na pinakahihintay ko. Makikita ko na ulit si F. Noong umaga nagkasalubong kami ni F, saglit lang kami nakapag-usap. Sabi niya may sasabihin daw siya sakin importante. Napansin kong iba na siya noong nag-usap kami. Parang may kakaiba, parang ang lamig. Hindi na siya yung babaeng nililigawan ko. Kinutuban ako pero nangibabaw pa rin ang mind-set ko sa balak ko.

Noong tanghali nagkasabay kami kumain ng lunch. Pero hindi pa rin niya sinasabi sakin yung sinabi niya kaninang umaga. Maraming tao sa Jollibee noon. Maraming estudyante naglipana para kumain din doon. Marami akong nakitang mga kakilala pero bumigat ang dibdib ko nung nakita ko siyang nandoon. Ang karibal kong si M na nakaupo malapit sa amin. Pero dedma lang. Wala akong akong paki kahit nandun siya. Ang importante, ako ako katabi ni F ngayon. Pero nung paalis na kami, bigla siya lumapit sa likod ni F at pabulong na kinausap ito. Wala naman akong magawa sa totoo lang dahil wala akong karapatan magalit since hindi pa naman kami. Mistulang sunod-sunuran akong parang aso kay F noon na nasa likod din niya si M. Noong nasa loob na kami ng college, ako na ang umiwas, sinadya kong magpaiwan sa kanila. Walang kasing patutunguhan kung ipagpapatuloy ko tong pagsunod. 

Noong paakyat ako ng hagdan, pababa naman si M na alam kong hinatid niya si F sa klase, nagbanggaan ang braso namin ng malakas. Napakalaki ng espasyo pero pilit niyang ginawa yun. Mabilis ang pangyayari kaya pinabayaan ko na lang. Ano to naghahamon ng away? Sa isip-isip ko. Pucha! ayos lang sakin at nagiinit narin ako noong mga oras na yun sa mga ginagawa niya. Wala na kong pakialam kung magkamajor offense ako, kick out na kung kick out. Isa na lang talaga at magwawala na ko.

Noong uwian nagtext sakin si F. Kita daw kami sa 2nd floor ng building at halos wala nang tao noon. Pero pagpunta ko nandun din si M. Sabi niya ay mag-usap daw kami ni M. Ok lang naman sakin. Interesado ko sa mga mangyayari. Pero kabadong-kabado na ko. Hindi ako komportable sa ganitong sitwasyon. Noong nagkaharap naman kami ni M wala siyang imik. 

Diniretso ko siya, anu na? at tsaka para saan yung malakas na pagkakabangga ng braso natin kanina? wala......sagot nya.

Tangina! wala talagang kwentang kausap tong taong to. 
Kinakabahan ako noon kasamang nagiinit ang katawan ko sa nararamdaman ko. Halo-halo na ang emosyon ko, at gulong-gulo na ko noong mga oras na yun. Parang may dapat kong malaman.
Dumating si F at naupo kaming tatlo. Walang nagsasalita. Tahimik.

Sabihin mo na kasi. Kawawa naman si Ken oh. Basag ni F sa nakabibinging katahimikan Tanging kami na lang ang naiwan sa palapag.

Ayoko lang kasi ng may lumalapit sa girlfriend ko. Ano kamo? Tama ba ang pagkakarinig ko GIRLFRIEND? Nabibingi yata ako.

Hindi umuulan pero basang-basa ang mukha ko sa mga luha. Tuloy-tuloy na parang walang katapusan. Ano F, girlfriend? Kailan pa? Titig kong tanong sa kanya pero wala siyang imik, hindi siya makatitig sa akin. Walang may gustong sumagot sa simple at nagususumamo kong mga tanong. Inoffer ni F ang panyo pero nagmatigas ako. Para saan pa yang panyong yan? para ipamuka lang sakin na kaawa-awa ako? Nagwalk-out akong humahagulgol na parang bata. Hinabol ako ni M pababa ng building na akala ko concern siya para sakin. Yun pala pinadaan lang niya ko sa tagong daan palabas ng school para walang makakita at may magtanong pa. Hinawakan niya ko at nagpumiglas ako at baka masuntok ko lang siya. Lumabas ako ng kolehiyo. Walang pakialam sa pagtawid kesehodang masagasaan. Hindi na ko namili ng jeep na sasakyan kabaligataran sa normal kong ginagawa, basta ang gusto ko maibuhos ko ang bigat ng tubig na nasa mata ko. 

Pagsakay ko ng jeep, patuloy pa rin ang aking pagluha. Yumuko na lang ako at nagtakip ng mukha dahil nakita kong pinanood ako ng ale na katapat ko. Dito ko napagtanto ang lahat-lahat. Dito ko naisip na mukha pala akong tanga buong araw kakasunod kay F. Sabi ko pa naman na mas handa na ako ngayon makipaglaro pero sa huli ako pa rin ang napaglaruan. Sa halos limang buwan na kasama ko siya, kung alam ko lang ganito ang kahihinatnan sana hindi na lang ako nagpadala. Sana hindi ako nasasaktan ngayon, at sana hindi nagsibagsakan ang grades ko. Ngunit huli na. Nasa huli talaga ang pagsisisi. Iniisip ko na lang na maganda rin at naexperience ko ang ganito. Naranasan ko ang masaktan.

Ilang araw at linggo ang lumipas. Wala akong natanggap man lang na text sa kanila. Wala man lang sorry. Parang walang nangyari. Nabalitaan ko pa na marami na pala ang unang nakaalalam na naging sila kaysa sa akin. Nabalitaan ko pa na naging MU daw pala sila. Dito lalo akong nagalit. Lalo tumatak sa isip ko na parehas lang pala sila manloloko, na lahat ay kasinungalingan, na dapat nga silang magsama. Kaya nakapagsulat ako sa blog noon ng masasakit na salita. Doon ko ibinuhos ang lahat sama ng aking loob.

Ilang araw pagkatapos ko yun malatlahala, tinext ako ni F. Magsosorry pa naman daw sana siya pero ganun ang nabasa niya, ganong klase daw pala akong tao. Wow naman ako pa ngayon ang masama ano? Marami siyang tinext noon na burado ko na. Wala namang saysay kung itatago ko pa yun. In the first place, karapatan ko na isulat ko yun sa blog ko at halos walang nakakaalam nun kung tutuusin kaya lang nakonsensya din naman ako. Nagsorry ako pero hindi na siya naniwala, hindi tinanggap. Dinugtungan pa ng maaanghang na text ng traydor niyang boyfriend. Sa huli, nagdecide na rin ako na tigilan na ang kalokohang ito. Wala akong mapapala kung magmumukmok ako at iisipin ko silang dalawa.

BITTER. yan kasi ang bungad ng mga tao sakin kapag napaguusapan ang nakaraan. Ewan ko ba kung mapagusapan  eh parang bago ng bago kung baga parang kahapon lang nangyari. Stagnant pa rin yung pangyayari sa kanila kahit isang taon na ang lumipas. Ampalaya man ako sa tingin nila, alam ko naman may darating at darating dyan para sakin na mas worth kaysa sa kanya. Tuloy lang ako sa paghihintay...Sabi nga “When it comes to affairs of love and hurt, you have to wait for your heart to learn what your head already knows, then you can break free.”

Current status: Single. LOL
--The End.--

Saturday, April 02, 2011